god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
