Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
