what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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