I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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