2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
