Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
