It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
