no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
