Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize