Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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