After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize