At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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