I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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