I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
