i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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