Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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