$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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