Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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