forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
