Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
