yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
