I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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