if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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