Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
