My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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