he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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