My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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