Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
