i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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