he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We have started to decorate penises.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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