The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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