hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
