I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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