My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You're like the curious george of whores
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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