the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
