that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
