The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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