Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
