By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
