i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize