he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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