Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
