Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
