Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
