If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
