I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
