I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
