I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This house was built for laser tag.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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