have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
