No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
