My girlfriend figured out who you are.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
