i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
