remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
His nipple licking is glorious
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