remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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