birth control should be required to get into college
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
