Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
