Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
