My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
