i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize