Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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