oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
