you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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