I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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