im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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