so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
