You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
