why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize