yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
