Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
