Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
