I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
