Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
