i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize