Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
