if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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