everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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